With the release of “THE OTHER F WORD,” my fourth production since deciding to become a filmmaker in my early forties, I reflect on the journey.
Like the Joseph Campbell heroes we studied in film school, it began when I ran away from northern New Jersey to the woods of Amherst, MA one summer after my fortieth birthday. Suffering an existential midlife crisis, I was an angry angst-ridden stay-at-home mom who wondered how as an ambitious post-feminist I had gotten there.
I took off for the forest in an attempt to solve one of the mysteries of motherhood: how to be true to your family and yourself. However, as an extreme extrovert, I realized that alone in the woods was not the right place for me. I came home with no answers, and sank deeper into depression. I would rant, “I am nothing but a womb!” while blasting Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power.”
After two weeks as a medicated mom, I stopped the drugs cold turkey - FYI not recommended. But the creative monster inside of me was awakened. Once the withdrawal tremors subsided, I started to write.
It wasn’t easy at first. In fact it was nothing like a bicycle. It had been ten years since I’d written a screenplay - when we lived in Los Angeles and I was part of the movie business brat pack of the ‘80s. I was an up-and-coming literary agent. I didn’t make a lot of money but the development executives had expense accounts so we did breakfast, lunch, drinks and dinner Bright Lights Big City style.
As I always aspired to be a writer, I quit work when I was accepted into the MFA screenwriting program at UCLA. For $500 a quarter I was given a visa to Shangri L.A. Under the shade of leafy green palm trees, my young and hungry creative classmates and I were mentored by some of the best writing professionals in town. Two years later I had a literary agent, a diploma and a son - whose birth was perfectly timed to happen at the end of the last quarter.
I naively thought I wouldn’t miss a beat.
But it was as if my creative juices gushed out of me with the amniotic fluid. I knew that I couldn’t return to the 24/7 go-go Industry without my home life suffering. I left the biz with no regrets, and took a part-time job selling greeting cards to accounts in the beach towns. I joked that it was easier than selling writers as the price was set, and the product regenerated itself. I became a top seller and was content. A second birth, a riot, wildfires and an earthquake later, we moved across country leaving that life and that person far behind….
The script I wrote became my first feature. I hadn’t planned to make it, but found that movie business years are like dog years. I was a blip from the past. While I was driving carpools my L.A. colleagues flew up the corporate ladder. We were no longer peers or friends. I had to completely start over. But that did not deter.
A suburban Mom friend gave Vanessa Williams the script. Vanessa loved it, and then gave it to her agent. When we spoke, the agent told me that the script got ‘great coverage’ – this is a report from a reader who is tasked with analyzing scripts – BUT, he emphasized the word, it didn’t meet the four quadrants. He continued to explain the four quadrants which in a nutshell meant my script didn’t appeal to the coveted young male audience, so that was that. Oh, and Jennifer Aniston wasn’t attached.
So I requested the reader’s report that recommended the script, created a business plan and became a producer. I figured I had the wisdom of age, the fresh legs of a first-timer, some industry experience, and the belief that there’s more failure in not trying.
With ingenuity and relentless grit, the movie “And Then Came Love” got made. It stars Vanessa Williams, Eartha Kitt and Ben Vereen. It was the riskiest and scariest venture I’d ever under-taken. Production can be like a run-away train and as I had single-handedly raised all the money to cover the budget– more than I imagined - feared I’d lose it all. But it was thrilling, and I felt alive the way one feels after a near death experience. The film was licensed to Warner Brothers, and a couple of years later we were in net profits.
I was back! Back in the business! But while I was back, I was back to driving carpools, making lunches, and no one called to ask, “what’s next?”
But that did not deter.
Two indie features later, my insatiable creative monster was hungry again. I decided to write about the profound changes my friends and I were going through in mid-life. The stories were edgy, humorous unique and ripe for creative exploration. It seemed like a no brainer story wise but felt more episodic than a finite story. Was I really going to be that foolish to try to break into episodic television at fifty? Yes!
While the script got great coverage, I was told that the show’s audience was a ‘tough demographic’ and I didn’t have a network approved ‘show runner,’ or a star attached or best selling underlying rights.
But that did not deter.
With ingenuity and relentless grit I assembled a team who share the belief that you are never too old to dream big. At first I joked that I aspired to be the Lena Dunham of my generation but amended that to Tyler Perry.
Season one of our micro-series was released on the web September 3 on Amazon. Our cast ensemble includes: Steve Guttenberg, Judy Gold, Reiko Aylesworth, Ben Bailey & Michael Boatman.
I left the woods over ten years ago paralyzed by fear and anxiety. My productions became my therapy.
I now live no fear and want to share its wisdom. ‘No fear’ is personal, accessible and attainable. Strive to have more happy days than sad, and have no regrets.
I used to joke that I made films as a way to get more Facebook friends, but it’s more than that. What I’ve learned from my films is that there is no failure if you enjoy the journey and cherish the people you meet along the way.
Caytha Jentis @caytha is a writer, director and producer. She now lives in NYC and is a member of the PGA, WGAE and NYWIFT. Caytha was recently selected as one of “Good Housekeeping Magazine’s” 5o over 50 as an adventure-seeker. She will be appearing transition back to work panels at the 2016 iRelaunch Conference in NYC and The Conference for Women in Boston.
